ASIAN, FEMME,

& VERY STRESSED

Not even 30 but agin’ like a raisin? Doomscrolling your night away? Anxious about being Asian American and femme in a world that seems like it’s constantly exploiting and erasing you?

You may be experiencing a case of Asian, femme, and very stressed.

wait, i need someone rn

What’s going on?

Maybe it’s the heartbreaking global news cycle, or your quarter-life crisis, or the fact that you’re still figuring out what it means to be Asian American and femme and an adult.

Your anxiety is normal & valid

Or maybe you’re witnessing and experiencing even more racialized and gendered harm these days—from NYC subways to Atlanta spas—and it’s hard not to see yourself (or your grandma) in every new headline.

The truth is, your anxiety is normal and valid given **gestures all around**

Is that it?

There are a lot of things that might be going on inside and outside of you that could be contributing to your stress. Maybe you’re exploring:

You’re deciding who you are and what you want out of life. This means thinking about career, money, relationships, and your future.
On top of that, you might be dealing with who your family wants you to be and feeling some added pressure to do right by them, too.
This in-between space of too many decisions but not enough answers can feel really overwhelming. Although it might be hard to believe right now, the truth is, there is no right way, only your way.
Says who? These folks.
Your Asianness and your gender identity didn’t develop in a vacuum. In fact, all of your identities (race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, socioeconomic status, ability, etc.) constantly overlap and impact each other, how you see yourself, and how others perceive you.
We live in a society that treats difference as inferior, so it makes sense if you (still) find yourself minimizing your Asianness like you might’ve in school, feeling unsafe moving through the world, or noticing anger or resentment about how others have treated you in the past and how they’re treating you right now.
If you identify as LGBTQ+, you may be feeling even more vulnerable, stigmatized, alienated, and/or fetishized—both in the world and at home.
Says who? This person, these folks, and these folks.
It’s tough out here. Maybe you have side hustles, maybe you’re barely making rent, maybe you have a solid job but the unstable economy is freaking you out.
As an Asian femme, you may be paid less for doing the same work as your male and/or white peers and frequently feel underestimated, undermined, and undervalued.
As a human, you’re becoming an adult in a recession-ridden, pandemic-era landscape, and sometimes it’s all too much and you just want to potato on that couch indefinitely.
This makes sense. You make sense.
Says who? These folks and this org.

you make sense

i'll always be proud of you

there is no right way, only your way

you make sense i'll always be proud of you there is no right way, only your way

How to feel more ok

It’s ok to not be ok sometimes. But here are a few things that might help you feel less alone, more like yourself, or maybe even pretty ok:

Build community:
- Find local meetups, book clubs, social events, or associations made for femmes and/or BIPOC folks for a sense of solidarity
- Get involved in advocacy groups to reclaim agency (& make new buds)
- If you have ’em, lean on your people: call a friend, plan a picnic, or play an online game if you can’t be bothered to leave the house
- Head to a nearby dog park, pet some furry neighbors, & soak in the sight of pups running free
Tap into your culture, the power of heritage, and your inherent sense of belonging:
- If you’re a “shake it out” kinda person, try Asian movement practices, like tai chi or yoga
- Dig into your family tree or the history of your motherland—ancestors are family, too
- Learn about Asian American history & BIPOC solidarity movements
- Breathe, stretch, or wiggle (regulate your nervous system)
- Take small breaks from screens (protect your peace)
- Go on a walk (be in the world, kinda)
- Journal or doodle (let something else hold your troubles for a bit)
- Rent a karaoke room for one (belt it all out)
- Eat noods & rewatch your fave show (zone out with intention)

THAT'S COOL BUT...

While it’s perfectly normal to feel stressed, sad, angry, confused, or anxious in the face of big transitions, big unknowns, and big oppressions, consider seeking counseling if you’re experiencing any of these things: